Accidental Attraction

A couple of weeks ago, I was traveling down a back road towards work as I usually do. The main road is typically congested and, despite the back road being two miles longer in distance, it saves me about 5 minutes on my commute. Besides, it’s a pleasant road that passes a few horse farms and other scenic sites. But on this particular morning, there was a car stopped ahead of me to turn left into another road.

I came to a stop behind this other car and waited for them to turn. They were waiting on another approaching car to pass the other way first. Suddenly, above the noise from my radio, I heard screeching tires. I thought for sure that the approaching vehicle was going to crash right into the car in front of me. But the car started to cross the road with no problems, so I glanced in my rear-view mirror to look for the origin of the screeching noise. Nothing in sight…at least until I saw another car to the right of me, along the shoulder, sliding past me. The lady turned her steering wheel hard to her left to keep from sliding too far off the road, and eventually ran into my front right fender. Needless to say, this was not a great start to my day, but for some reason, I soon felt relieved and grateful that there were no injuries and the accident was essentially minor. (Note that "minor" resulted in $1600 damage to my car, but in the grand scheme of things, it was a minor inconvenience).

I had called my boss to tell him I’d be late for work, and also called my wife to basically let her know what had happened. When I arrived at work, word had apparently spread and everyone asked if I was okay. I was and I thanked them for their concern. The same situation occurred when I met my wife later that evening. I assured her and my kids that I was fine and that we’d have to get the car fixed soon. Again, gratefully, there was no real problems and the eventual insurance claims and car repairs went smoothly.

As it turns out, it seems more than co-workers and family was concerned for my well being. "I am sorry you were recently involved in an auto accident." "We are so sorry this misfortune has happened to you." "If you have been injured, we’re here to help." I have been virtually overwhelmed with good wishes and people who are concerned with my well being. In particular, 6 attorneys and 3 chiropractors have taken time out of their busy day to offer their condolences and assistance. How nice of them.

I suppose that if I had been injured and wanted to protect myself, I might welcome such an inundation of legal and medical options. One thoughtful lawyer stated, "I apologize if this letter seems to invade your privacy." As I think about that, I realize they’re not apologetic at all. After all, even though my accident is public record, one has to search for or be at the right spot to know when such records are fled. Do they have a paralegal or hired help sitting at the hall of records just waiting for accident reports? Does someone at the highway patrol send a mass email to all attorneys and chiropractors informing them of the details of an accident? And what of the basically nice lady that hit me? She was a pleasant individual and readily admitted fault. She was not rude, she was apologetic and I was grateful of that. Still, did the very same people contact her? And as for the attorneys…would they have taken the side of which ever one of us called them first? No, they’re not apologetic at all, because they count on this information for their bread and butter.

I can’t really call them vultures. I would say they are necessary in many cases, especially where serious accident and differing accounts of what happened occurred. But the fact that the police report noted there were no injuries doesn’t seem to phase these people. They all simply assume that there was an injury, despite the report. So it’s not the invasion of privacy that gets to me, but the assumption of what’s best for me. It almost makes me think of the reckless paparazzi that follows Britney Spears and other celebrities. They don’t care what happens to the person they’re following. They only care about how that person can lead to them making a buck.

Trying to Remember the Good Stuff

When my dad began writing his book a couple years ago, he stated that he was doing so in order to keep the memory of my mom alive after her passing. At the time, I thought it was a sweet gesture, but also wondered if "fading memories" was more a sign of getting older than it was of just not having someone around. After all, my mom had been around my life, well, all my life, so I couldn’t fathom having such memories simply disappear.

I looked at the calendar this morning and saw that this is the third anniversary of her passing. As I think of Mom, my thoughts immediately go to that dark day three years ago when the Putnam County Hospital called me so early in the morning. I recall my mom phoning a couple of days prior and talking to my kids in a confused and desperate manner. I remember how she looked during the Christmas visit only a few weeks earlier. But beyond that, I realize that I have to strain hard for specific memories…the good memories. When I imagine "Mom," I picture her last days. And that’s not really the memory I should or want to keep.

But if you read above, I think you’ll see what my problem is. I stated that today is the third anniversary of her passing. An anniversary should be a celebration. Today is not such an anniversary. So I think I merely need to adjust my thinking. My mind is dwelling on when she left us, and not for the many years of her life before.

So after today, I’ll no longer mark January 22" on my calendar as I subtly do. I won’t forget the day, but I will forgive the day. It’s a day that an unfortunate circumstance occurred in my life (and others), but no more. What I’ll begin to celebrate more, even if only privately, will be July 9, 1934. That’s the day she was brought into this world, not taken out. Even more, I’ll celebrate October 31, 1962, for that’s the day I was introduced to her. If I dwell on those days, then the good memories will come back. I think Mom would appreciate me just moving on to the next day, and the day after that...embracing my kids as she did me and my brother...and just send a smile her way and remember the good stuff instead. I’ll begin to remember the woman who took me to swim lessons on chilly mornings and made me cocoa-wheats to warm me when I returned home. I’ll recall her bowling on her Tuesday morning and Thursday night leagues…and kicking ass. I’ll recall her making fudge for no reason at all after dinner. I’ll remember the taste of her Christmas tree cookie batter that I’ve never been able to duplicate. I’ll remember being slapped in the face for saying, "fart" when I was 10 (yes, that is a good memory…now).

I miss my mom…and always will. But every time I see my daughter smile at me, I know Mom is smiling too. (She has her "Mam-ma’s" eyes for sure). She’s not gone as long as the memories stick around. And as long as I cling to the good ones, and the one’s about her living life, they’ll stick around forever.

So many blog ideas, so little time. It seems as I come up with a new idea about what to write, there just isn't enough time or opportunity to put such thoughts onto monitor. I apologize to those who have anticipated my words. I'll resolve to do better in 2008. And that leads me to my first posting...my 2008 resolutions. I know, I know...EVERYBODY has posted his or her resolutions. But bear with me.

Like most other folks, I resolve to maintain a healthy diet, to exercise more, to work harder, and to play even harder. But face let’s it; these should be daily resolutions, not yearly resolutions. So what should be my true New Year's resolutions?

First, I resolve to embrace more and envy less. It's difficult to turn on the television or read the paper without witnessing someone experiencing a better lifestyle than me. Perhaps it is a beer commercial where everyone is young, attractive and having fun. None of them are toiling away at work and worried about sick kids at home. Maybe it's a celebrity that's vacationing on an exotic island and then flying off to attend a party in some other location. Surely they don't have the worries of bills awaiting their return or whether or not they'll have to mow the lawn. They might have a nice house, or a nice car. They might have a job that pays so much more than mine. They have more time with family and can take seemingly unlimited vacations. Heck, I actually KNOW people with such good fortune and I have envied them in the past. I wanted what they had. But then again, they don't have my family. I have a great family with no real drama (at the moment). I have a job where my efforts are appreciated. I have good friends with whom I can confide and share laughter. I tend to enjoy life overall. And as a result, I am choosing to embrace the wonderful things I have and envy others less.

Next, I plan to avoid any entertainment or "information" that preys upon the humiliation of others. This is just plain cruel for the most part. A prime example of this is the new Fox show called “Moment of Truth” where the host asks contestants extremely personal questions while they are strapped to a lie detector. Why on earth would anyone want to be subjected to such humiliation? Well, obviously the answer to that is "money." Still...what about those poor souls on American Idol that audition with no talent? Sure, some of these people are hoping for fame and fortune simply by being bad, but I’m convinced many have a real dream to sing. And despite their lack of singing talent, why is it we get so much enjoyment out of seeing people’s dreams crushed? Not for me thank you. And please, leave Britney alone. The poor girl needs help and I think we can all agree to that. Having an army of photographers and reporters follow her every bowel movement is bund to drive her crazy, even beyond and mental illness she may already have. Have you noticed how many flash bulbs are going off while she’s driving past? It’s no winder she keeps running over photographers’ feet, she can’t see for the flash bulbs! Just leave her alone…and please don’t offer me more “entertaining gossip” at her expense.

My third resolution is to try not to condemn a person when it’s their skills that need criticized. There might be co-workers, retailers or other service personnel that simply seem like idiots. They might be incompetent or merely lack the skills to perform their job functions. Still, most people are somewhat hard working and have someone in their life that respects or looks up to them. That ass in accounting has a kid screaming in glee for Daddy when he goes home at night. The snobbish sales woman has an ailing husband at home. The young lady serving you your appetizer takes her paycheck home to pay for her child’s dental bill. We all have stresses in life and often time, we take our stresses out on other people. They’re perceived as asses, idiots or whatever you want to call them. And while admittedly some just never seem to learn, others are simply having a bad day. As a result, I’ll think about the people in their lives before I start condemning the individual.

My final resolution is to find a “cause.” Such a thing doesn’t necessarily involve a lot of monetary contribution, but rather devotion. Perhaps it will involve something in which my kids will become active, such as raising funds for a dance studio or volunteering to be an Indian Guide. It might be more involvement in some charitable endeavor, whether it be prostate cancer awareness, blood (triglycerides) health or supporting the Lupus Foundation. I might not be able to contribute funds, but perhaps I can participate in a march, or donate the receipts from a garage sale. And with the election year ahead of us, maybe my cause will be politically motivated. Or maybe my cause will be something of which I have no awareness of at the moment. Whatever the case may be, I think it’s important to have a cause…and at this moment, I really don’t. I tend to go along with the flow and just try to be all things to all people and causes. But honestly, it’s time to embrace “something” bigger than myself. I hope this year to do that, no matter what it may be.

And that is what makes the upcoming year such an exciting time. Something new is bound to happen and I’m convinced it will all be good. So as a result, I resolve to be as good as what I intend to receive. Sounds like a fair deal to me.